Healthy Relationships: How Local Teens Respond

Author: Kaitlyn Savage

For Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, New Directions Center’s Youth Program Coordinator, Catheryn Wisteria, presented on healthy relationships to a local high school class. 

In the presentation, Ms. Wisteria invited the students to explore common manipulative behaviors in unhealthy relationships, including possessiveness, isolation, and sabotage. This presentation on healthy relationships is specific to teenage romantic relationships, and it warns against love bombing, digital abuse, and grooming. 

One of the most striking statistics reported in this presentation is that 1 in 3 teens will be impacted by an abusive relationship before the age of 18. One of the attending students even noted this statistic in their reflection. 

Ms. Wisteria continued to define specific terms, bringing special attention to isolation, naming it the biggest red flag amongst unhealthy relationships. Abusers use isolation to remove support systems from their victims. Without a support system, victims only have their abusers to depend on. Abusers create or crave power imbalances to fulfill their desire for control. 

Ms. Wisteria made it clear that control has no place in a healthy relationship. Additionally, it was made clear to the students that no one has a right to their body, to their time, to their uninterrupted attention, to their peace. 

The presentation concluded with next steps or ways to identify and help a friend experiencing such abuse. At this time, the teacher asked the students to reflect on what they learned from the presentation. Please find some of the students’ responses below. 

1. What did you take away from the presentation?

“During an unhealthy relationship the partner tries to manipulate the other into either leaving people behind that are important. They try to control one another into doing things the other person does not want to do.”

“Something I took away is there are way more abusive relationships than I thought there were. I learned that many minors like my age are abused a lot. People that are abused as minors think that it is normal in their family.”

“A person should never take advantage of you and make you do things.”

“i learned that there should be mutual respect when it comes to boundaries, and how it is okay to not see eachother all the time and have your own personal life an do stuff. I also learned that if you say no, it means no. that there is no other discussion. That if you are uncomfortable in the situation that it is okay to not want to do what they want to.“

“Today I learned that I should always tell a trusted adult if I feel unsafe in a relationship.“

“That consent is very important. You shouldn't do anything you're not comfortable with. Consent is key. If you're unsure, that's okay. You can change your mind. You never should feel pressured.“

2. What is a non-negotiable boundary for you?

“A boundary that is non-negotiable for me is to not make me do things, if I don’t want to do it I'm not going to do it. I’m not going to argue with you and if you want to argue you can find someone else to do it with. I’m not one for the dumb stuff, I won’t put up with it.”

“A boundary that is non-negotiable for me is doing anything until marriage. I don't want intimacy. I think it's a good boundary. I think that is something people should be okay with. It makes me feel more comfortable.”

“One boundary for me that is nonnegotiable is consent. If you don't take me seriously when I say no then I don't want to be with you. I don't want to put myself in a dangerous situation when I know what a relationship should look like.”

“One boundary that is non negotiable is that if I say no I mean no. I really think this should be a boundary in every relationship. No means that someone doesn’t want to participate and follow someone's actions. I will try to keep this in my head as I grow old.”

“Consent. Consent is the most important thing in any task. Whether it’s hanging out, making tea, or even giving a gift. Coercion isn’t consent. “Making up” is not consent. Nothing that isn’t explicit permission is NOT consent.”

“A boundary that is important to me is to never let someone pressure me into doing something that makes me uncomfortable. They should never ask you to do something multiple times after you said no. This is important because it can ruin your life so fast. They could leak things or tell people the things you do.”

3. What is a healthy relationship?

“In a healthy relationship it is important to have communication. Communicating with each other helps see the other person's boundary so you do not accidentally cross their boundary. A healthy relationship supports each other through hard times and encourages them to fix something that may be fixed instead of manipulating them to leave that other healthy relationship that may need a little fixing.”

“A healthy relationship is having trust and dedication. Like if you have no trust in another person and go through their phone all the time, what's the point of having a relationship?”

“A view of a healthy relationship is asking for consent when doing something. Letting them spend time with others and who they won't, not texting or calling them all day. Not love bombing them is a healthy relationship, and letting them have time away from you if you need it. “

“A healthy relationship is having boundaries, not having to know everything you do, and not having to hangout with them at all times. You should have space and your own time. They should understand why you are the way you are and not get mad at you.”

“In my opinion, a healthy relationship should be communicating what each person feels comfortable with. There should be no controlling and each person should understand each other's boundaries and they shouldn’t go beyond them. You should never feel unsafe in a relationship. A healthy relationship should be fun and a good thing.”

“One where the two people in a partnership completely respect each other, value one another, and can communicate. There should be no signs of abuse. Arguments are normal to an extent. One person should not be taking advantage of or controlling the other.”

Our local teenagers said it best! Reach out through our website to learn more about healthy relationship presentations.